You’re helping your child with their maths homework. They’re stuck on a problem, looking up at you expectantly. And somewhere in your chest, a familiar knot tightens.
Because you know what’s coming. The moment when you have to admit—again—that you don’t really understand this either. The moment when that old, tired phrase surfaces in your mind: I’m just not a maths person.
You’ve believed this about yourself for as long as you can remember. Maybe since a teacher’s comment in Year 5. Maybe since you failed that exam in secondary school. Maybe since you watched your classmates grasp concepts that felt like a foreign language to you.
It’s become part of your identity. A fixed truth. And now, watching your child struggle with the same subject, you’re terrified that they’ve inherited your “maths gene”—or lack of one.
Here’s what I want you to know: the idea that some people are simply “not maths people” is one of the most damaging myths in education. And it might be affecting your child in ways you haven’t considered.
The Myth of the Maths Person
Let’s start with the science, because it matters.
There is no “maths gene.” Brain imaging studies have consistently shown that mathematical ability is not fixed at birth. The brain regions involved in numerical processing can grow and strengthen with practice and the right kind of instruction—at any age.
What researchers have found is that beliefs about ability have enormous power. When people believe intelligence is fixed (“I’m just not smart enough”), they avoid challenges, give up easily, and see effort as pointless. When people believe abilities can be developed (“I can get better at this with practice”), they embrace challenges, persist through difficulty, and see effort as the path to mastery.
This isn’t wishful thinking. It’s decades of research by psychologists like Carol Dweck, whose work on “growth mindset” has transformed how we understand learning.
So when you say “I’m not a maths person,” you’re not stating a biological fact. You’re repeating a story—one that was probably told to you, and one that you’ve reinforced through years of avoidance and negative self-talk.
How Your Belief Affects Your Child
Here’s where it gets personal.
Children are extraordinarily sensitive to their parents’ attitudes. They pick up on your tension when maths homework appears. They notice when you sigh, roll your eyes, or say “I was never any good at this either.” They absorb your anxiety like a sponge.
Research from the University of Chicago found that when maths-anxious parents helped with homework, their children learned less maths over the school year and developed more maths anxiety themselves—but only when parents were frequently involved. The anxiety was literally transferred through the helping relationship.
This isn’t about blame. You didn’t choose to be anxious about maths. But understanding this connection is the first step to breaking the cycle.
When you say “I’m not a maths person” in front of your child, they hear permission to give up. They learn that struggling with maths is an identity, not a temporary state. They absorb the message that some people simply can’t do maths—and maybe they’re one of those people too.
Where Your Story Came From
Most adults who believe they’re “not maths people” can trace this belief back to a specific moment or period.
Maybe it was a teacher who moved too fast, leaving you behind and never circling back. Maybe it was a humiliating moment at the board, getting an answer wrong in front of everyone. Maybe it was the shift from primary school (where maths made sense) to secondary school (where it suddenly didn’t).
What’s important to recognise is that these experiences say more about the teaching you received than about your innate ability. Bad maths instruction is incredibly common. Maths is often taught as a series of procedures to memorise rather than concepts to understand. When taught this way, one missed step can derail everything that follows.
You weren’t bad at maths. You were failed by a system that didn’t give you what you needed.
This distinction matters because it opens the door to a different future—for you and for your child.
Rewriting the Story
Changing a belief you’ve held for decades isn’t easy. But it is possible, and it doesn’t require you to suddenly become brilliant at calculus.
Start by noticing your language. When you catch yourself thinking or saying “I’m not a maths person,” pause. Try replacing it with something more accurate: “I found maths difficult in school” or “I haven’t had good experiences with maths—yet.”
That word “yet” is powerful. It acknowledges where you are while leaving room for growth.
Next, separate your past from your child’s future. Your struggles with maths don’t have to be their struggles. The way you were taught isn’t the way they have to learn. The anxiety you carry doesn’t have to become their inheritance.
Be honest with your child, but frame it constructively. Instead of “I’m rubbish at maths,” try “Maths was hard for me when I was younger, but I’m learning that it doesn’t have to stay that way.” You’re modelling growth mindset in action.
What If You Still Find Maths Hard?
Here’s something that might surprise you: you don’t need to be good at maths to help your child succeed at it.
What your child needs most isn’t a parent who can solve every problem. They need a parent who:
Shows curiosity instead of fear. “I’m not sure how to do this—let’s figure it out together” is far more valuable than a correct answer delivered with a sigh.
Normalises struggle. “This is tricky, isn’t it? That’s okay—tricky means we’re learning something new” teaches resilience.
Celebrates effort over outcome. “I noticed how hard you concentrated on that” matters more than “Well done, you got it right.”
Seeks help without shame. Using resources, asking teachers questions, or finding a tutor aren’t admissions of failure—they’re smart strategies.
You can provide all of this without solving a single equation yourself.
The Gift of Going Second
There’s actually an advantage to not being naturally confident with maths: you understand what struggle feels like.
Parents who found maths easy sometimes struggle to understand why their child doesn’t “just get it.” They can become impatient, dismissive, or accidentally make their child feel stupid.
You won’t make that mistake. You know exactly how it feels to stare at a problem and feel your mind go blank. You know the shame of not understanding. You know the fear of looking foolish.
This empathy is a gift. Use it. When your child is frustrated, you can honestly say “I know this feeling. It’s horrible. And it will pass.” That validation is worth more than any correct answer.
A Different Kind of Confidence
The goal here isn’t to transform yourself into someone who loves maths. It’s to develop a different kind of confidence—not confidence in your mathematical ability, but confidence in your ability to support your child’s learning journey.
This means:
Trusting the process. Your child’s understanding will develop with time, patience, and the right support—even if progress isn’t always visible.
Letting go of perfection. You don’t need to have all the answers. Nobody does.
Focusing on connection. The relationship you build during maths time matters more than the maths itself. A child who feels supported and understood will learn. A child who feels anxious and judged will shut down.
Being willing to learn. Maybe you’ll pick up some maths along the way. Maybe you won’t. Either is fine.
The Story Your Child Will Tell
Twenty years from now, your child will have their own story about maths. It might be “I was never any good at it”—the same story you’ve carried. Or it might be something different.
It might be: “Maths was hard sometimes, but my parent helped me stick with it.” Or: “I learned that struggling doesn’t mean you can’t do something.” Or even: “My parent wasn’t confident with maths, but they showed me that didn’t have to stop either of us.”
You have more influence over that story than you realise. Not by pretending to be something you’re not, but by being honest about your journey and showing your child that the story can change.
You’ve been telling yourself you’re “not a maths person” for years. Maybe even decades. That story has shaped how you feel about yourself and how you approach your child’s education.
But stories can be rewritten. And this one needs to be—not just for your child’s sake, but for yours too.
You’re not “not a maths person.” You’re a person who had difficult experiences with maths and developed beliefs that no longer serve you. That’s a very different thing.
And it’s never too late to write a new chapter.
Ready to transform your confidence as a maths parent? The free CPCC Resource Pack includes the Parental Confidence Self-Assessment to help you understand where you are now—and practical tools to help you move forward. Download your free resources here, or get the complete 30-day transformation framework in Confident Parent, Confident Child.